Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
please don't ironically join a cult
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