i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
3pm strippers are depressing
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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