the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
