im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
