it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
