Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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