Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
