For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Randomize
