FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize