the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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