The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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