It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
