dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Randomize
