a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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