My nipple is on Facebook.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
