This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
