So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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