i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
