If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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