Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
