Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
