maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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