I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
She is in my trunk
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
you guys were way drunker than both of me
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
