I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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