I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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