from now on my penis is your penis
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
