we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
