You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
