I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
