Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
