Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize