i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
