he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Randomize
