My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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