He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
