Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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