So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
