I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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