wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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