she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize