I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
