i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
