My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
