More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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