dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
