The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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