I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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