We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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