we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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