I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
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