Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Randomize
