I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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