just come out here and I will go home with you...
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
