I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
