Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
