remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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