I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
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