so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize