I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
