Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
