We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
