Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize