using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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