I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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