He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
