Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
