Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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