I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
