i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
