My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
