My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
