i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Randomize
