the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
