Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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