just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
