Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
