i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
