this boner is exhausting
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
