she woke up with a sticky ear
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
