tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
