i jhust puked up my retainher.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
