omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
