Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
