My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Send help, water and tortillas.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
