Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Randomize
