dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
