I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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