i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
