He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
