can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
