Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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