So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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