Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
