I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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