don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
