He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize