hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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