We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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