last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
You made out with two different species that night
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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